What I learned about Sovereignty after losing myself in love
Some soul connections crack you open before they hold you.
They show you the infinite… and then drop you into a spiral of longing, confusion, and loss.
Not all karmic relationships are meant to last — but all of them are meant to teach. This is the story of one of those connections. Of heartbreak. Of awakening. Of coming home to myself.
There are loves that feel destined — the kind that sweep you into a current of passion, synchronicity, and deep soul recognition. These relationships often carry an energetic memory, an echo of something ancient. They feel like divine appointments. Some are meant to stay, some are not . All serve a deeper purpose: to break you open, to burn away illusion, and to return you to your sovereign self.
This is how I found myself in one of those connections. How I lost my center, confused longing with love, and eventually chose myself — not in bitterness, but in truth, grace, and power.
From the beginning, there was a magnetism and comfort that defied logic. He felt familiar, safe, catalytic. It wasn’t about fantasy — though, yes, I had hope — it was energetic. Our connection flowed easily, like we had done this before. I wasn’t afraid of being my full self — he saw me deeply, and I saw him. I thought, this is divine love.
And for a time, it was beautiful. Until it wasn’t.
As the connection deepened, so did the tension. Our attachment styles clashed — him avoidant, me anxious. When he withdrew emotionally and eventually disappeared altogether, my nervous system went into survival mode. I spiraled, grasping, desperately trying to hold on. But every grasp only pushed him further away. The energetic harmony turned to karmic chaos and it’s heart wrenching push and pull.
That’s the thing about karmic entanglements: they activate your deepest wounds. They mirror the places where you’ve abandoned yourself. They demand that you choose yourself — not to sever love, but to release the illusion that your wholeness and safety depend on another.
Whether you understand experiences like this through attachment theory, psychology, spirituality, or a combination of all three, the invitation is often the same: to notice when you’ve slowly disconnected from yourself and gently find your way back. The language may differ, but the healing asks the same question: Can you stay connected to yourself while remaining open to love?
A karmic entanglement is often bound by a soul contract.
A soul contract is a pre-incarnation agreement between souls to help each other grow through specific challenges. These contracts are not punishment — they are sacred, designed to help you evolve.
Over time, I realized that our soul contract was about awakening. It was about calling me home to my body, my boundaries, my breath, and my truth.
My energy was porous. I was living partially outside myself, energetically hooked into his field — caught in emotional debris, fantasy, and unresolved karmic threads. I tried to love through it. I tried to wait. I tried to make it work.
But I was disappearing.
So I stopped. I chose myself.
Instead of cutting cords and severing all connections, I unhooked gently, lovingly in hopes the karma could be unwound while ensuring the love the remained. I visualized soft golden threads of my energy returning to me, gently unweaving the karmic knots we had built over lifetimes. I called my energy home, I called my sovereignty back.
To do this, I practiced:
Daily energetic hygiene: grounding, clearing, protecting, visual release
Sovereignty affirmations: “I call all parts of myself back to me — cleared and restored”
Unweaving and rewriting the contract: “If he chooses to meet me in love and truth, I am open. But I no longer wait. I live.”
I gave myself space and time to grieve — not just the loss of him, but the loss of all the parts of me I gave away to be loved. I began to rebuild from the inside out. I remembered who I am.
Sovereignty is the practice of staying rooted in your own energy, truth, and desires. It’s the ability to love without losing yourself. It’s not about closing your heart — it’s about learning how to stay open without collapsing.
This is what I’ve reclaimed.
Now, I no longer wait. I build. I create. I serve. I live from love, not for it.
And though I still hold love for him, I am disentangled. I do not shrink. I do not wait. My energy is mine again. My path is unfolding.
What I once thought was a love story has become a sovereignty story. Whether our paths ever meet again is no longer the point. The greatest gift this relationship gave me was not another person - it was my own return.
If you’re reading this and you’re in that in-between place — where the connection still echoes, but the reality is unraveling — I see you.
You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
You don’t have to sever love to find peace. But you do have to reclaim your energy. You do have to choose yourself.
Honor the bond. Clear the cords. Keep your heart open — to yourself, first.
Your heartbreak is not your ending. It’s your return.
Want support navigating this space?
As I continue walking the path of sovereignty, I’m supporting others on their journey, too — gently, humbly, and with deep care.
If you’re in the early stages of disentangling or seeking clarity, I offer a grounded space to explore:
What your heart is still holding onto
How to begin calling your energy back
How to move forward without closing down
I don’t have all the answers — but I walk this work every day. And I hold space for others with presence, softness, and truth. Your heartbreak is not your ending. It’s your return.
Ready to come home to yourself?
Whether you’re navigating heartbreak, life transitions, or simply feeling disconnected from who you are, you don’t have to do it alone.
My coaching and Reiki sessions offer a grounded space to reconnect with your inner wisdom, regulate your nervous system, and move forward with greater clarity and self-trust.
Originally published on Medium, June 21, 2025